via Very Smart Brothas by The Champ on 10/29/12
I’ve spent approximately 15 minutes staring at my monitor, trying to think of a way to say what I’m about to say without sounding like an asshole. But, since there is really no way to say “Women — attractive, smart, and option-having women — seem to like me…a lot” without sounding like an asshole, I’ve decided to just come out and say it.
Mind you, I’m not saying this to brag. I realize that I’m not especially special. I don’t make a ton of money, I’m quite a bit taller than the average man, but not tall enough for my height to really be considered a plus, and although I’m aware that some women are physically attracted to me, I’m not the type a guy that would cause an Elba-esque instaswoon. Even my personality seems to leave much to be desired, as my introverted nature tends to initially come off as either detached, aloof, and arrogant or shy, awkward, and reluctant.
Yet, despite all of this aggressively but solidly above-averageness, I’ve managed to cultivate many “successful” interactions with quite a few very, very attractive women, which leads me to believe that, right now, the main reason attractive, smart, and option-having women seem to like me is because they’re aware that other attractive, smart, and option-having women also seem to like me. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. (Or something like that)
Thing is, these successful interactions also have a tendency to end badly. Very badly. Thousand word long text message and restraining order badly. And, until recently, I was utterly clueless why. I mean, along with my aggressively but solidly above-averageness, I’m a nice guy who does nice things and shit. And, nice guys who do nice things and shit aren’t supposed to have to file restraining orders.
Now, there are myriad possible reasons why my relationships seem to end so shittily, the most obvious being that I may just be attracted to attractive but “unbalanced” women. You could also point out that by every available metric, there are more “eligible” Black women than “eligible” Black men, and this ratio imbalance — and the exaggerated ratio imbalance in some women’s heads — also means that certain women may take “losing” one of these eligible men much harder than they’re supposed to.
Solid reasons both, but neither really encapsulate the dynamics unique to the interactions I’ve had.
A couple weeks ago, though, a female friend very, um, “familiar” with my dating history shed some light on why this manages to occur so often…while also completely deconstructing me and my “problems.” (She’s talented)
(Paraphrasing)
“You do nice things for women, but you do them in a way that doesn’t seem like you’re only doing them to get some ass. You open doors and walk on the outside of the sidewalk and listen to what I have to say and even return text messages in a reasonable amount of time. Well, at least you return my text messages in a reasonable amount of time. You even always make eye contact.
Basically, you treat women like they’re special. And, it’s easy to see why they fall for you, because you treating them like they’re special makes them think that you believe they’re special. But, they don’t realize that you treat all women like that, not just the ones you’re trying to f*ck or already f*cking.
And, when you get bored or antsy or horny or hungry or whatever the hell it is that causes you to do this, you end things. Which is easy for you to do because you don’t have much invested, but it comes out of left field for the women because she thought you thought she was very special.
You are a nice guy, but you’re a f*cking liar. Which means you’re not really that nice of a guy.”
I had to defend myself.
“A liar? You know my history. When have I ever been dishonest?”
She continued the deconstruction.
“Dishonesty isn’t always about telling lies. You’re smart enough to know that acting a certain way is going to make women feel a certain way about you, and you do that while knowing you don’t feel the same way about them. You’re not doing this to hurt them intentionally. You’re being “nice” but your form of niceness is one of the meanest things you can do to a woman. Honestly, I’d rather get cheated on or hit by some asshole than have a nice guy I genuinely like pull some shit like that with me.”
“So in order to truly be a good guy, I have to be more of an asshole?”
“I’m not saying that. Just, well…ok. Actually, I am saying that. You’re not alone, though. Quote unquote good guys do shit like this all the time. What you’re doing is no different than the guy who stays in a relationship even though he knows it’s going to end. By being nice and not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, he ends up prolonging it and making it so that when the relationship finally does end, her feelings are hurt even more. You don’t have to be a jerk about it, but just stop treating women like you want them to be your chick if you don’t want them to be your chick. Thing is, that behavior is so ingrained in you that you’re probably unable to change it.”
“So, wise one, how do I make some changes?”
“It’s easy. You’re dating attractive women that you don’t really want, and continuing the interactions because you feel like you should want them. You need to stop bullshitting with “safe” chicks you know you can obtain and start putting yourself out there and reaching for who you really want. Maybe you turn asshole and cut off women you’re not super into, but doing this allows them to find someone who would be. Basically, if you stop being a bitch, you’ll also stop being a f*cking liar.”
“Why do I always regret talking to you?”
“The truth hurts!”
—Damon Young (aka “The Champ”)
***Hey everyone, if you participated in Five Dollar Friday and haven’t received your PDF yet, please hit us up at contact@verysmartbrothas.com, and I’ll make sure you get it.***
via Nah Right by eskay on 10/24/12
Meek speaks on gems he picked up from Jadakiss as a young bol growing up in the streets of Philly and how his experiences informed the Nightmares aspect of his LP.
Previously: Meek Mill Talks “In God We Trust”
via Nah Right by eskay on 10/25/12
Nardwuar squares off with producer Flying Lotus.
Previously: Blu ft. U-God – Keep It Going (Prod. by Flying Lotus) | Sean “Seanwuar” Price Interviews Pharoahe Monch
via Nah Right by eskay on 10/25/12
Rocky and K.Dot perform their verses from “Fucking Problem” for the first time in Oakland.
Previously: A$AP Rocky ft. Drake, Kendrick Lamar & 2 Chainz – Fucking Problem | LongLiveA$AP Tour Backstage: A$AP Rocky’s Birthday in Detroit
via TED Blog by Morton Bast on 10/9/12
With just over a month to go before the 2012 presidential election in the US, eyes around the world are on the contest between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. The election may well come down to a few key issues. So what matters most to Americans? The TED Blog read this Gallup poll from late July on issues that citizens want the next president to prioritize. Conveniently, these are topics that speakers often address on the TED stage. So, every week until the election, we’ll bring you a playlist focusing on one of the top-rated issues.
Among the most important questions in the upcoming election is, “How can we improve the nation’s public schools?” — 83 percent indicated that improving schools is “very important” or “extremely important.”
To get you thinking, talking and voting, here are 10 talks from speakers with some very big ideas about how to reshape our school environments.
Sir Ken Robinson: Bring on the learning revolution!
Sir Ken Robinson gave the most watched TEDTalk of all time at TED2006, “Schools kill creativity.” In this followup four years later, Robinson shares how schools should approach the education process — with personalized learning, where students are encouraged to explore their own interests and talents.
Emily Pilloton: Teaching design for change
Education challenges can be met with design solutions, says Emily Pilloton. In one of rural North Carolina’s poorest counties, she created Studio H, a modernized, humanitarian shop class that’s “growing creative capital within the next generation.” She shares her story at TEDGlobal 2010, showing how a whole community was transformed by a little design thinking.
Stephen Ritz: A teacher growing green in the South Bronx
Inveterate educator Stephen Ritz saw his students getting more unhealthy by the year, so sprang into action and created The Green Bronx Machine. At TEDxManhattan, he makes it clear — a passionate teacher and a fresh idea can improve kids’ physical and emotional well-being, not to mention their prospects for the future.
Daphne Koller: What we’re learning from online education
Universities should not be closed-door institutions, says Daphne Koller. At TEDGlobal 2012, Koller explained Coursera, a website where anyone can take real college courses for free. But while providing a unique service, Coursera also has a larger purpose — mining a wealth of data about how students learn.
Ann Cooper talks school lunches
It isn’t only in the classroom that students are struggling; in the lunchroom, there’s a shortage of healthy, sustainable things to eat. School meals are an opportunity to nourish and to educate, says food activist Ann Cooper, and we need to seize it now. (Read the TED Blog’s Q&A with Martha Payne, who blogs her school lunches.)
Taylor Mali: What teachers make
This must-see three minute slam poetry piece tells it like it is – teachers are undervalued in every sense of the word. At the Bowery Poetry Club, Taylor Mali raises his voice in protest and pays homage to the educators who make a daily difference.
Dan Meyer: Math class needs a makeover
No problem worth solving comes in a simple formula, says math teacher Dan Meyer. He insists that conversation is key, and that real-world thinking skills require the kind of complexity not offered in most textbooks. At TEDxNYED, he shows how math can be “the vocabulary for your own intuition.”
Diana Laufenberg: How to learn? From mistakes
Diana Laufenberg knows that her students aren’t going to love American history as much as she does — unless she gets them involved, making movies and holding mock elections. At TEDxMidAtlantic, she praises an approach to learning that doesn’t just ask for right answers.
Shimon Schocken: The self-organizing computer course
Great educators don’t have to teach — they can provide a context for self-guided learning. Shimon Schocken and Noam Nisan noticed that their computer science students didn’t have the most basic understanding of how computers work. So they developed a course for students to build a functioning computer, from the ground up. The two put the course online — giving away the tools, simulators, chip specifications and other building blocks — and were surprised that thousands jumped at the opportunity to learn.
Ken Robinson: Changing education paradigms
With the help of RSA Animate’s vivid illustration, education visionary Sir Ken Robinson explains the industrial-strength problems with our model of education. We are anesthetizing our children through their schooling, he warns, and it’s imperative that we update immediately.
via TED Blog by Emily McManus on 10/10/12
On the TEDGlobal 2012 stage this summer, guest curator Sarah Caddick hosted the session “Misbehaving Beautifully,” a deep dive into a near-taboo subject: mental health and mental illness. Today, Oct. 10, happens to be World Mental Health Day, and TED.com is premiering the final talk Sarah curated for the stage, Ruby Wax’s “What’s so funny about mental illness?” As this final talk becomes available for viewing, we asked Caddick to reflect on creating the session — as well as on the conversations that happened afterward. Below, a note from Sarah. And after the jump, watch the talks from this wonderful session.
It’s a wrap …
Mission: create a story that is compelling and challenging, that takes people on a journey while ensuring each piece is significant enough that it can be sent out alone into the vast expanse of the world to tell its own tale. Not exactly a walk in the park, especially when the story I chose to tell in just 105 minutes was how our brains dance along a fine line between beauty and devastation.
And now each story from within the journey is out there, the last making itself known loudly with funny sketches, a colorful soft clay brain and a serious message.
Every speaker bought into the whole play, performed their part and embraced the slightly quirky path I asked them to travel, and their notes to me and each other afterwards had me in tears, which for a person who rarely reaches that state is quite something! But it was the overwhelming response from the audience at TED, the individuals who came up to me after the session and throughout the rest of the meeting, that broke my heart but gave me hope.
I couldn’t know that I would open up a tear in the fabric of the usually upbeat TED vibe, with people telling me of their own “misbehaving neurons,” the depression, mania or any other flavor of disorder that you can imagine. Their relief and happiness that we had let the cat out of the bag and talked about what many shy away from. For many of them it was the first time they had publicly owned up to the frailty of their brain and mind, but they did so knowing that those same misbehaving neurons could underpin the things they have achieved in life, the beauty they experience and the social fabric they are woven into.
I wasn’t expecting this, but it reinforced why I had picked this topic, why I wanted to unpick a little bit of the brain for the audience, to get them to see that mental disorder is not so black-and-white, and that we need to talk about it and figure out how we want to see it, how to rewrite the story.
Science, inspiration, love, despair, horror, illusion, make-believe, beauty, movement, humor and so much more, all embedded in the most ultraconnected piece of technology known to man.
I hope everyone enjoys the six talks that are now all live, and takes from each what they want. I feel honored to have been given the opportunity to capture the TED community for a brief period, and to have a group of individuals who signed up for the challenge and the fun!
And now the TEDTalks from Session 6: Misbehaving Beautifully:
Read Montague, Behavioral Neuroscientist, “What We’re Learning from 5,000 Brains”
Elyn Saks, Mental Health Law Scholar, “A Tale of Mental Illness”
Ruby Wax, Comedian and Mental Health Activist, “What’s so funny about mental illness?”
Vikram Patel, Mental health care advocate, “Mental health for all by involving all”
Wayne McGregor, Dancer, “A choreographer’s process in real time”
Robert Legato, Visual Effects Guru, “The art of creating awe”
via illRoots by cliff on 10/8/12
Source: Pigeons & Planes
Previously: Flying Lotus Interview With Noisey
Here is a previously unreleased track from Flying Lotus titled ‘Flotus’ that was recently debuted during Diplo’s Diplo & Friends show on BBC Radio 1. As usual, New FlyLo doesn’t disappoint. His new album Until the Quiet Comes is in stores now.
